2007 — The best and worst of times

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

With these words Charles Dickens began his A Tale of Two Cities. As I look back at 2007, this summation of life in late 18th century Paris and London reflects what I have experienced in the early 21st century, in shifting from Singapore to Poulsbo. The year started with grief over Karen’s unexpected death. Whereas this was a “far, far better thing” for her and took her to a “far, far better place” than she had ever been, the pain I experienced was as bitter as our marriage had been sweet. And in the midst of the heartache I had to move house back to the States so that Louise, Deborah and I could be together as a family. Leaving Singapore was not easy, and returning “home” to a place I hadn’t lived for more than twenty years and where I could not imagine finding employment in my field was scary. It required, as I told several people, more faith to return home than it did to go out as a missionary. What would I do? How could I live?

In addition to the lost of Karen, Deborah was hospitalized twice during the year due to her diabetes. Not since she was first diagnosed when she was nine had she been in the hospital. And even though I thought her blood sugar was under control, I was surprised to discover that when I asked about her readings she reported what she thought I wanted to hear so that I wouldn’t get upset and “go ballistic” about high readings. Her desire to preserve me from concern (and herself from my response) proved costly, both financially and with regard to her personal health. We are continually learning that we need a lot of help taking care of her condition. It is and will be an ongoing struggle.

But in spite of the difficulties, it was the best of times. God was working through this time of loss, fear, and uncertainty. I could “count my blessings”, and they were many. A good number of them were taken care of before Karen’s death and have made our lives easier. Let me name them one by one. (1) In mid 2006 Karen and I decided to sell our house in Belfast. The sale went through in October and the money cleared in November, a month before her death. This saved me from the hassle of dragging the house through probate to get it cleared, and provided me with the money needed to buy a new home. (2) In October 2006 we were blessed by a trip back to Taiwan where I spoke at the OMF Field Conference. This trip allowed us to see our dear friends and co-workers from our time there and to say what turned out to be very significant goodbyes. (3) Karen’s death happened in the States where we had family around us for support. As the failure in her circulatory system could have happened anywhere and at any time it was good that it hadn’t happened when we were traveling. (4) I had already arranged with Singapore Bible College to be on sabbatical from January to June 2007. This saved me from having to return to the classroom immediately after Karen’s funeral. It also meant that SBC had already arranged for other lecturers to cover my courses. (5) With the money we had from the sale of our house in Ireland I was able to buy a house in an excellent location and at a reasonable price.

I later discovered that God had given me an opportunity to learn lessons I would not have been able to otherwise. For instance, by suffering grief I learned to share in the grief of others and discovered that people were sharing things with me that they wouldn’t have otherwise. This is not something I would have chosen, but I find that it helps me to be more Christ like. I have learned part of what it means to be a man of sorrow and to weep with those who weep. Similarly, the biblical concept of lament has become so important to me that I want to discover how we can rightly use it in the church today. We were also able to see financial provision. Even though Deborah’s first hospitalization was not covered by our insurance (due to a nine-month pre-existing condition clause), Mary Bridge Hospital absorbed all hospital costs so that we were left with the air ambulance and some other lesser costs. The insurance covered more of the costs during her second visit.

Another blessing has played itself out over many months. Along with the many cards and messages received after Karen’s death came an e-mail from a friend who had lost her husband about four months before Karen died. Claire and Paul had been good friends when we lived in Northern Ireland. At one point they had considered serving with OMF but had not been able. Karen had known the Livingstones from before we were married, and served with Paul on the OMF Irish Council when I was studying for my doctorate. It was at that time that I started to get to know them better and that our families met up on a number of occasions. The initial message from Claire led to regularly communication by e-mail, phone and Skype, as we helped each other through the grieving process. As time went by, our relationship developed from the difficult but essential task of helping a friend face the death of a spouse to the joyful prospect of facing and enjoying life together.

In order to size up the possibilities of a long-term relationship I went to Ireland at the end of November for a week. On Christmas day I flew back with the girls for another week so that they could get to know Claire and her three sons better. Although the kids had played together when small, they had not seen each other in years. During this year end trip I asked Claire to be my wife while watching a waning moon strain to angle its beams through the clouds in order to light the rocks and the breakers rolling into a bay off the Atlantic. Delightfully, Claire said yes. That was the best of times.

Claire and I are now planning to marry when we can work out visa and family obligations. Believing that our two families need to become one, we feel it is essential that we live where we can all be together. It appears that Coleraine, Northern Ireland, where Claire has a good job and owns a good sized house, will be the best place to begin. As mentioned above, finding work near Poulsbo would not be easy for me, and I would probably have had to move anyway. And although we considered returning to Singapore where I could have continued teaching at Singapore Bible College, that move would make it more difficult to build a family since we will soon have three children in various universities. Although I am not sure what I will do in Ireland, I have become aware of several potential jobs in the Coleraine area, and I hope to work on a couple of books that will keep me busy for awhile.

Sometime in the future it is quite possible that we will "return" to Asia or the States. That, however, will probably have to wait another four years or so when all the kids are out of secondary school. In the mean time we would simply like to share our joy with you all as we prepare to give each other our vows to stick together, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health … as long as we both shall live”. These old words have taken on new meaning, for our experience of life and death has made us more realistic about what marriage holds. Since that which promises “the best of times”, sometimes delivers “the worst of times”, every married couple needs the help of the Lord who instituted this most basic of social institutions. Please pray for us and others you know who are preparing to enter this “honorable estate”, as we try to pray for you.